Posted by: Frank | 07/11/2011

A bit of Humor to start the week!

Passed on to me but I found it funny and worth sharing – NO, this is NOT about me….  aloha

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her
trips to Target.

Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and
preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my
wife is like
most women – she loves to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from
local Target:

Dear Mrs. Harris,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a
commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior
and have
been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against
your husband, Mr.. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our
video surveillance cameras:

1… June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put
in other people’s carts when they weren’t looking.

2… July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go
off at
5-minute intervals.

3… July 7: He made a trail from a jar of brown gravy on the floor leading
to the both the ladies and men’s restrooms.

4… July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an
official voice, ‘Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away’. This
caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a
reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union
grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the

5… August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to
put a bag of
M&Ms on layaway.

6… August 14: Moved a ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted

7… August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told
the children shoppers he’d invite them in if they would bring pillows
and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children

8… August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him
began crying and screamed, ‘Why can’t you people just leave me alone?’
EMTs were called.

9…. September 4: Looked right into the security camera
and used
it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked
the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while
loudly humming the ‘Mission Impossible’ theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his
‘Madonna look’ by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed
through, yelled ‘PICK ME! PICK ME!’

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud
speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed ‘OH NO! IT’S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!’ And last, but not least:

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the
door, waited
awhile, then yelled very loudly, ‘Hey! There’s no toilet paper in
here.’ One of the clerks passed out.

Please use our online shopping service for any other Target purchases.


  1. I’m going to have to try some of those. Not #7 though; you’d get arrested for that these days.

  2. very likely…

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